~KRANDLEKEEP~
The Wisconsin Gnomelore Database
The Haunchies
"The haunchies made me do it."
From There Be Hodags, by C.A. McAllister:
The haunchies are a group of dwarves believed to live in “Haunchyville”, a settlement near Mystic Road in Muskego. Haunchyville is believed to be located either in the ruined buildings near Mystic Road, or in a network of underground tunnels located below the area of Mystic Road.
Classifying the haunchies as “legendary creatures” is likely a bit contentious owing to the fact that, in the modern Haunchyville lore, the haunchies are in fact human. Modern Haunchyville stories claim that the haunchies were originally circus dwarves who murdered their abusive ringmaster, dismembering his corpse and hanging the remains from trees, before disappearing into the woods near Muskego to form their own insular community. Interestingly, though, the earliest versions of the Haunchyville mythos seem to view them not as humans with dwarfism, but instead more akin to mythological dwarves, or even goblins as they are sometimes described. So while, as the modern legend’s haunchies are legendary humans rather than nonhuman creatures, historically speaking the haunchies were once viewed as fantastical little people.
The haunchies are most known for their violent xenophobia towards outsiders. Tall folk (as in, those taller than them) found intruding on haunchy territory are said to be met by haunchies wielding bats, saws, and shotguns. The haunchies will saw the legs off any tall people found within their territory in order to “cut them down to size” before expelling them again. One story has a local farmer accidentally digging up one of the tunnels connecting to subterranean Haunchyville, and later being found hanging from the rafters of his barn, with “the haunchies made me do it” scrawled on the walls.
Haunchyville lore claims the settlement has a single, regular-sized inhabitant, a shotgun-wielding albino human who wards people away from Haunchyville. The albino is said to have found Haunchyville as a child, and won acceptance by the haunchies for being the only one who showed kindness to the dwarves, being adopted and raised by the haunchies thereafter. The tale of the albino also seems to hearken back to the many European stories of human children abducted and raised by the little folk of the wilderness.
From Monsters of Wisconsin, by Linda Godfrey:
Strange Wisconsin, by Linda Godfrey
Monsters of Wisconsin, by Linda Godfrey
A decades-old legend centered around a Muskego street called Mystic Drive alleges that a colony of small, reclusive, and deadly small people nicknamed the Haunchies lies hidden at the end of a weedy lane. The Haunchies are thought to reside in a cluster of miniature buildings that they zealously guard from the prying eyes of outsiders. Those who even try to drive down the lane will be met by a shotgun-totin' normal-sized human in a black pickup truck. If the shotgun blasts fail to discourage the intruders, a determined horde of Haunchies will emerge from adjoining fields wielding tiny baseball bats. The intruders will next find themselves being beaten senseless, and then possibly hanged.
This full sequence of events happened to at least one man, whose image--in full hanged-man position--was burned onto the side of the barn where his execution occurred. The Haunchies could never be prosecuted because their acreage is riddled with underground escape tunnels. Or so the story goes.
Some have theorized that perhaps some actual little people once retired to this area from one of Wisconsin's many circus outfits, and their presence took on mythic proportions in the way that folk tales do. This author knows of one such colony of retired circus performers that lived discreetly on Delavan Lake in Walworth County for years.
Mystic Drive does contain one lot with several odd, tiny buildings, but they don't look like anyone ever lived in them. Besides, Haunchyville, as it is called, was supposed to be out of sight at the end of a long drive.
Searching for Haunchyville today is probably not a great idea. The street became such a popular destination for cruising teenagers that police began issuing hefty fines to trespassers and still do. Besides, the end of the street that once seemed so mysterious has recently been opened up for new housing developments and roads. It is a sure bet that if the little people ever did live there, they have long since moved to someplace much more private. If so, I sincerely hope that this time no one will blow their cover.
As bizarre as this story may sound, there are similar tales from other parts of the country. Only the names for the little people are different. There are three such legendary locales in Maryland, named either Midgetville or Zoobieville. The grouchy inhavitants of these places are also guarded by a big guy in a truck, but the little people chuck rocks at trespassers instead of beating them with bats.
There is another place called Midgetville in Morris County, New Jersey, in a secluded forest near a former estate of circus mogel Alfred A. Ringling. Weird New Jersey authors Mark Moran and Mark Sceurman have documented a cluster of tiny homes they found at the site, each with entrances and windows too low to accommodate most grown humans. Hmmm ... a circus owner nearby, little houses ... it all starts to make sense. And I haven't even mentioned the Midgetvilles rumored to exist in Virginia, Kentucky, and Florida.
Like misery, mystery loves company, so perhaps Muskego citizens can take comfort knowing that whether the Haunchies exist or not, their city is part of a national trend.
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